by Karla Downing

Are you looking for Christian marriage help that will enable you to let go of the obsession over your husband's behavior? Whatever takes up your mental and emotional energy and robs you of the ability to live your life is your obsession.

When you have marriage problems that your husband will not address and you are living in pain and desperation, it is natural to focus on the problems and to want them to change and in order to do that you have to think about them. But when thinking about the problems is robbing you of your joy and the ability to enjoy your own life, then you need to make a change.

Philippians 4:8-9 tells us to choose what we think about and 2 Corinthians 10:5 tell us we can take our thoughts captive. Try the following things to control your thoughts:

Don't do things that increase your obsession with what your husband is doing. Don't check up on him, watch him, listen to his conversations, stay home to watch him, check his wallet, follow him, call him over and over, or read his e-mails (unless you need to do this to find out what is going on in order to make decisions or to confirm your suspicions).

Keep your head where your feet are. Concentrate on what you are doing in that moment and don't let your thoughts wander. If you are washing dishes, think about each action and say it out loud if you have to. Say, "I am picking up a dish and now I am washing a dish." Do whatever it takes to train yourself not to think about HIM.

Yell "stop" out loud or to yourself every time you find your mind wandering onto him again. This is one of the things therapists tell obsessive compulsive patients to do.

Find a phrase that reminds you that you are powerless over him and say it over and over. I say the Serenity Prayer: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." An abbreviated version might be "Can't change him." "Mind your own business" was another phrase I said to myself.

Turn on the radio or listen to music. Force yourself to focus.

Say Bible verses aloud that remind you to release him to God.

Pray and release your concerns to God. Say something simple that reminds you that it is God's battle: "He's yours God." "God's in control." "I surrender him to you."

Letting go of the obsession over your husband's behavior is a battle but it is one worth fighting to regain control over your own life. When you are obsessing over him, you aren't living and enjoying your own life.


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