“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own: you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18-20.

There are all sorts of single people. Some are young and some are old. There are single people who have never married, others are widowed, separated or divorced. Some are too young to be married, some are actively looking for a partner, and some have turned down marriage proposals while some have never been asked. Some long for marriage. Others do not. There are single people who are virgins and those who are not, some of whom have been involved in sexual relationships outside marriage.

Every single person has a unique history and individual needs, but all have in common a sexuality which is integral to their very nature. It brings about certain physical drives and desires .While popular culture, movies, radio, and television often treat sex outside marriage as a normal and even desirable part of life, this does not mean that it is right. Sex outside marriage is very powerful destructive force and always hurts someone. First it hurts God because it goes against his commandments and the leading of the Holy Spirit. Second, it hurts us. Sex outside marriage is often accompanied by emotional distress,  guilt, regret, heartbreak and other repercussions like destructive relationships, diseases to our bodies, and unplanned pregnancies. It deeply affects our personalities, making us enslaved to our desires.   It also violates the commitment which is necessary in a relationship. So what then is the single person expected to do about their sexual feelings?

The best example to follow is Jesus whose life models abstinence. Paul also was celibate and he called on those who could to emulate him, or otherwise get married because sex was created by God to be a part of marriage. “Now to the unmarried and widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Corinthians 7: 8-9.People are expected to be in control of their bodies and to discipline their mind and bodies in accordance to what they know is right. This is what separates us from other animals which rely on instinct. As Paul wrote “You should learn to control your body in a holy and honourable way, not in passionate lust like the heathens”. (Thessalonians 4:5)

Christians are also expected to set an example for others and not be hypocritical.  “But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.” (1 Corinthians 9:27 NKJV)

It is not easy for some to remain celibate. However we should consider it a worthy sacrifice to the Lord.  Paul wrote, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. (Romans 12:1-2 NKJV)
We should emulate David who said “.... I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing.” Sacrifice is the ecstasy of giving the best we have to the one we love the most.

With the way the world we live in promotes sex, the pressure especially for the young, to go along with the crowd is greater than ever before, and it is easy for them to compromise They get caught up in sexual activities as a part of wanting to be normal, to fit in, to be liked, and to look attractive to the opposite sex. Instead of the joy they seek, this road brings to them destruction and even death. In the US, it is reported that each day 4,219 teenagers contract a sexually transmitted disease, and many of these will later face a premature death as a result; 1,106 teenage girls abort their unborn babies; and 6 teens commit suicide, often because of a broken heart or out of guilt over a premarital sexual relationship. It is important that people, especially the young and vulnerable train themselves to withstand the temptations and the pressures and that they protect themselves emotionally and sexually so that they are able lo live life to the fullest without regrets. . Proverbs 14:12 says, "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." On the other hand, the prize for sexual integrity is health, happiness, peace, contentment and a free conscience.

It is important for Christians to trust Jesus to guide us through the maze of life. If we  read the Bible which offers the guidelines to live by, and  tune out the distractions of the world  and  listen with the ears of our heart - the Holy Spirit,  God will give us his perfect direction. Isaiah 30:21 says, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'

In the Christians struggle to stay pure and live up to Gods standards and saving sex for the right place and time, it is important to make sure that we don’t put ourselves in situations where there is temptation. If you are in a dating relationship, and things are getting very serious, then it would be a bad idea to be together alone in a house because it may cause temptation which can lead to sexual sin. Instead go out somewhere where it would be difficult to take things too far. Secondly, try not to engage in activities that may tempt you. Thirdly, limit touching. You also need to work out whether the person you're dating has the same standards as you. Hang with friends who have the same standards and morals as you then you will feel uncomfortable if you and your partner have a sexual relationship. It's called positive peer pressure!!.

At all times, look your best. Be fashionable and smart  in order to boost your self confidence but rethink the suitability of each item you wear and the message it sends to others.

Both marriage and singleness are gifts from God and are both valuable in accomplishing God’s purposes .It is important to accept one’s current situation and God’s expectations.

This article first appeared in the March – April  2010 issue of Woman of Faith magazine.

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