Christian Relationship Help: Four Ways to Prevent Escalating an Argument
by Karla Downing

Are you looking for Christian relationship help that enables you to handle conflict differently? When someone starts an argument, the most common thing people do is to respond in ways that escalate the situation. Proverbs 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (NIV). Here are four ways you can put that advice into action and prevent escalating the argument:

Don't raise your voice. When someone is angry, it automatically puts your body into a protective stance. Your adrenaline rises and you have an increase in energy. This is often expressed by yelling at the person. When you yell, the person will yell back at you and the argument will intensify.

Don't react defensively. When you are attacked, you naturally want to defend yourself. The problem is that when you react in a defensive manner, it prevents you from listening openly to what the person is saying. Defensive tactics include denying the accusation, blaming the other person, and attacking back. It's obvious that these responses will increase the energy between the two of you.

Don't bring in old issues. The purpose of conflict is to get resolution. The only way to do that is to focus on the issue at hand. When you bring in other problems, you not only bring in the topic but the emotions and unresolved resentments with it. That can't do anything other than increase the anger between the two of you.

Don't bring in sarcasm. Sarcasm means to tear flesh. It involves carefully chosen words that are meant to undercut and hurt directly and indirectly. It can't do anything but escalate the argument between the two of you because the person will respond to the strike that comes with the sarcastic comment.

You have a choice with how you respond to someone who comes to you with a conflict: You can escalate and stir up anger or de-escalate and turn away wrath.


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