By Mary Isaacs

"The world would be so lonely, in sunny hours or grey without the gift of friendship, to help us every day."-

When Jane lost her husband in a traffic accident, she was totally immobilized with shock and pain. She gained a new appreciation of her friends who came and took over the management of her house. They gently assisted her in making decisions about the funeral arrangements and for more than a week, until two days after her husband’s funeral she had at least two friends spending the whole night with her guiding her and giving her comfort. Indeed, faithful friends are beyond price.

Friends are people who like us in spite of our faults and who listen to us and tell us the truth. Friends support our decisions and tell us when we're foolish.

They laugh with us and share our grief. They are companions and share our interests. They argue with us and stimulate our minds. They are people we aren't afraid of telling our secret wishes to or what is really on our minds.

The greatest friendship depicted in the Bible is that of David and Jonathan. “And Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as himself” 1 Samuel 18:3. Jonathan protected David against his own father Saul who wanted to kill him and after Jonathan’s death, David took care of his friend’s disabled son Mephibosheth as a show of kindness for Jonathan’s sake. "Two are better than one; because they have a good return for their work. If one falls down, his friend can lift him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up”
Ecclesiastes 4:9 - 10I

In many instances, women depicted together in the Bible are shown to have conflicts - intense hatred and jealousy for one another. This is because they shared a man, and it is always a recipe for bitterness and deep unhappiness to share a man (or a woman). The women in these polygamous relationships include Sarah and Hagar, Rachael and Leah, Hannah and Penninah.  As a Kikuyu proverb says, “Two wives are a pot of poison”

In the bible however, we also have the stories of Ruth and Naomi, and Mary the mother of Jesus and her cousin Elizabeth the mother of John the Baptist, who displayed great love and support for one another in their shared circumstances.

Women friendships usually have strong emotional ties. During childhood; the main sources of companionship for women are girlfriends. They are fun playmates who also help each other grow socially, emotionally and mentally. They are a big part of forming women’s personalities and supporting who they become. However as women get older, boyfriends and husbands are given priority over girlfriends. While these relationships are very important in helping us grow in other directions, it is still essential to keep in touch with women friends because their appreciation of one another is unlike other relationships. They are very empowering since other women understand just how you feel and you need the connection to guard against feelings of isolation and loneliness.

According to research, when there is conflict, people usually have the two alternatives of “fight” or “flight”. However, women have a third one of staying and nurturing relationships. Most women with a problem will choose to nurture children or share with a woman friend.

There is a nice feeling women have while connecting with other women. Most women’s meetings are full of joyful banter, story telling and laughter. This especially so with “chamas” and other women groups, and few members want to miss such meetings. They come out of them feeling rejuvenated.

These group friendships have the advantage of having a circle of friends where each individual does not have to work very hard at the duties of friendship but can still count on the support and loyalty of the other members. However, innermost feelings and secrets are usually not shared with such friends. Most women also have a few intimate friends with whom they share their personal joys and sorrows.

Friends are there to celebrate your big occasions and during times of sorrows or disappointments, they comfort you. Research has shown that friendship between women on various emotional levels assist in lowering stress, blood pressure, heart rate and cholesterol and help in promoting healing, maintaining sugar levels, bone density and youthful appearance.

It is therefore important to make time to nurture these friendships because they offer a simple and natural way of reducing stress.  On the other hand, research has shown that not having close friends is as detrimental to women’s health as smoking or carrying extra weight. Other studies suggest that an older woman's risk of dying from heart disease may be linked to the number of family and social relationships she has. In one study among women with symptoms of coronary artery disease, those with few personal contacts were more than twice as likely to die over the next two to four years as women with more social ties. When the researchers also looked at how women coped with widowhood, they found that those who had a close confidante were more likely to survive the experience without suffering new and lasting physical ailments or permanent loss of vitality.

Science has therefore confirmed that our women friends are essential to our well being, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. So take the time to acknowledge, and enhance all your wonderful friendships. You can also expand your circle of women friends by going on a women's seminar or retreat or by joining another women's group with diverse interests. You can also join a support group (or even start one) as therapy for a shared traumatic experience.

This article first appeared in the September-October 2009 issue of Woman of Faith magazine.

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