Relationships are wonderful gifts from God with marriage being the most intimate. Marriage is intended to be a life long relationship – for better for worse, for richer for poorer and in sickness and in health. However some people take it only for the better and opt out when the bad times comes; when the excitement dies down and boredom sets in; when expectations are not met; when there appears as if there is no love left in the marriage; when one frustrated, hurt and angry at their spouse; when they are constantly fighting and despair and hopelessness set in. It is important to take marriage as a covenant witnessed by God, and not a short term contract.

Marriage takes work

Often, people expect their marriage to work without putting a lot of effort into it. However, in order to maintain a healthy blooming relationship, the partners have to take good care of it otherwise it wilts from all the pressures and stress.

Usually, during courtship and the honeymoon spouses put in a lot of effort towards pleasing their partner but this eases off as the marriage progresses. People begin to take each other for granted and the marriage loses its spark. It requires a concerted effort to put back the marriage back to the right happy footing. And one needs to work at it constantly.

Marriage Revitalization Programmes

Counsellors, Churches and various groups have come up with programs that aim to revitalize and save marriages from breaking. Most of these programmes require attendance by both the wife and the husband. It means that the couple have to be in agreement that the marriage requires help and are both willing to participate in the programme.

However, even when only one party is interested in healing the marriage, it is not hopeless. There are programmes that one can initiate alone and hopefully work on the partner to change. Such programmes include the “Love Dare” and it is the subject of the movie titled “Fireproof”. It is a movie about a couple, Elizabeth and Caleb who are on the verge of divorce. Caleb’s father however convinces him not to separate or sign the divorce papers before taking 40 days for the “Love Dare” programme. Out of respect for his father, Caleb undertakes the programme even if he is half hearted at first. However the programme changes him profoundly and manages to also convince his wife to renew their marriage.

The program consists of 40 simple acts of love to the partner. It includes saying nothing negative to the partner, thoughtful actions, small but meaningful gifts, and showing respect.

As Caleb experienced during the “Love Dare”, Love is a decision, not a feeling You are meant to show love even when your partner constantly rejects you or fails to acknowledge your efforts. This is because you are supposed to display godly love which is purposeful, and is not based on rewards or feelings as to whether the target person deserves it. Jesus did not die for us because we deserved it, it is because He loved us. Love is a commandment and we serve God when we love and meet all our obligations at home or at work happily because we are serving Him. God gives the rewards. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men” Colossians 3:23The movie also explores how men and women may have different expectations from a marriage It also explores communication, selfish pursuits, pornography and the lure of infidelity.

I found the movie wonderful and inspiring and recommend that you get a copy for yourself and if possible the “Love Dare” book. According to various testimonies, it has strengthened many marriages and many have avoided separation and divorce.

Copyright Wangari Murathe. This article first appeared in Woman of Faith Magazine November 2010- January 2011 issue. For comments on this article write to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it