By Mary Isaacs

Everybody smiles when they think about love irrespective of their age, race, class or status. People achieve great things when they love, for there is nothing easier than doing something for someone you love. It is said that love makes the world go round. The total essence of the Bible and our lives is about love.

But what is love? According to the New Webster’s Dictionary, it is (a) a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection for a friend, sibling, parent or child; (b) a warm passionate affection of someone of the opposite sex; and (c) the benevolent affection of God for his creatures or the reverent affection due God from them. The Greek language calls these kinds of love Phillia, Eros and Agape respectively.

Phillia

This is the love between best friends, and the fellowship of being with those people you enjoy being with. Although phillia is wonderful, it is not very reliable since it is dependent on ever changing situations, and other people’s perceptions and expectations.  We all know of people who stopped being friends when one became richer or poorer, or got married or moved to a different town. Our friendship is also tested on a daily basis by rumour mongering and misunderstandings based on interpretations of another's actions, among other factors. When the Bible commands love, it therefore does not mean phillia.

Eros

This is what we refer to as romantic love. It is easy to spot a woman who is in love and whose love is reciprocated because her face is radiant, she laughs easily and smiles to everyone and everything. With this kind of love you feel passion for the object of your love and want to be with them and do things together. So eros is usually a good thing to have. In some instances however, the love could be misplaced. You could fall in love with somebody otherwise unavailable to you. This kind of love is also dependent on certain situations and circumstances. A lot of people fall in love with somebody because of their wealth, beauty, status, health etc.  The moment such circumstances change - if somebody loses their money, becomes disfigured or disabled etc the love partner’s attitude changes. Soon they do not want to be with that person and all sorts of hurtful words and actions occur. Eros then disappears. Eros is also dependent on each person's perception of what is romantic. For example, you think the way for your partner to show his love is to send you flowers, say he loves you all the time etc. the passion you had for them disappears if he does not do those things. Eros thus grows strong and then wastes away based upon our perceptions

Eros cannot provide a reliable basis for building a deep and meaningful relationship since it is so fickle and dependent upon perception and circumstances. Because of such things as accidents, diseases, and the fact that someone can choose to doubt or despise you regardless of your actions, it is clear that we can not determine how others will perceive us nor are we masters of our own circumstances.

Eros therefore is not the Biblical word used for love.

Agape

This is the beautiful love which comes from God. Unlike the previous two types of love, agape is not limited by circumstances and how we feel. It is based on a commitment to a decision. The decision to obey God’s commandments, love Him with all hearts, might, mind and souls , and to love our neighbours as ourselves.

It is a decision to love God, your parents, husband, children and other people irrespective of the circumstances – for better for worse, in richness and poverty and in health and sickness. It entails the decision to look out for the welfare of others irrespective of how we are being treated, their race, sex, age and social class, and our perspective of whether the other person is good and deserving of our love. It entails a decision to worship the only true God irrespective of how prosperous or poor we are, joyful due to our good fortunes or downhearted due to problems.

Agape is capable of acting in a hostile environment. Jesus' teaching that we should love our enemies is intended to show the boundless nature of the Christian commitment toward seeking another's well-being. Luke 6:35 says. “Love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the most High because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.” That includes all of us because we are not deserving of the Love of God through our actions but by the Grace of God.

Other examples of love from the New Testament include Ephesians 5: 25 where husbands are told to love their wives as Jesus loved the church. In 1 John 3:17, we are also told “If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?” The parable of the Good Samaritan Luke in 10:25-37 exemplifies how we need to show this love to our fellow human beings. Of course the greatest love is summarized in a verse most Christians know by heart - John 3:16 which says, “ for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son so that all  who believe in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

One of the advantages of agape love is its proactive nature which gives it the power to rise above its environment. It can empower passion and friendship! If you show someone love and consideration, they will usually reciprocate. It is easy to love those who love you. When you choose to speak and act toward your partner and friends with agape, this creates the loving environment in which eros and phillia can thrive! Although you might perceive others to be unkind, rude, and unloving, the power of agape works at nurturing the growth of the other forms of love!

This article first appeared in the September-October 2009 issue of Woman of Faith magazine.

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